When the new Equity member tries to get the cast together for a reunion.

30 Apr

Apr 28

You. Me. Michael. Rob. Coffee Tuesday. Boom. Yes?

NC Coot
Apr 28


11:43 PM

3:30, OK?

NC Coot
11:51 PM

Somewhere in the US?

11:16 AM

3:30? Chelsea area?

NC Coot
1:36 PM

Would that be 3:30 AM or PM?

Chelsea, depending on one’s realtor, is bordered by 14th Street and 28th Street going north, and 6th Avenue to the Hudson River going west. (Some people believe Chelsea now ends at 9th Avenue given the rise of the Hi-Line, but I’ve yet to concede as the recreational area west of the Hi-Line still bears the name “Chelsea Piers.”)

Shall I wander until I find you? For twelve hours?

PS. I like North Chelsea, ya know, in the West 40s….


2:34 PM

I thought Cafe Grumpy? It’s semi near Chelsea Market

NC Coot
2:49 PM

Hey! Is that some kinda crack–wait…oh, there IS a Cafe Grumpy.

OK. I can probably get there by 3:30 if I leave soon. Is Michael coming? Is Rob coming? Or will it just be you and me which would be lovely except the last time we had coffee you ditched me in an airport when I went to the bathroom.

2:52 PM

It’s PM, Lazy.

Yes, Michael and Rob will be there. Yay!

NC Coot
5:41 PM

Is it casual? Most of my sports jackets are out at the dry cleaners. But I have light sweaters.

One of my sweaters is kind of a dove-tail grey and I’m concerned it might get some coffee spilled on it. Are the tables there sturdy in your experience?

Perhaps you or I, but more likely you, could get there early and ensure at least one of the tables of four is sturdy. Sometimes, placing say a matchbook or a cloth napkin under one of the legs of a wobbly table can even out the weight distribution on a warped floor.

6:00 PM

You. Are. A pain in the ass.


NC Coot
6:09 PM

Just to follow up: I telephoned the venue with our concerns and they sounded, in the kindest light, less than sympathetic when I suggested you wanted to drop in tonight just after their closing for a site inspection. But they eventually acquiesced when I told them you’d offer a small gratuity for their effort. I gave them your cell number. Also, it occurs to me I forgot to ask, you may want to inquire about translated menus as I’m still not convinced how strong Michael’s English is, him being German or Austrian or Australian or whatever it is he is.

NC Coot
6:21 PM

Your contact at the café is named Gino. He’s expecting you between 12:15 and 12:45AM. In the meantime, I’ll work up an itinerary. I think it best we plan our arrivals so that Rob is last. Think of it according to age: You, me, Michael, and Rob. I propose we set a limit of $15.00 on gifts. Let’s plan on exchanging them before ordering so we are not rushed by the staff after eating. If you have any other suggestions, e-mail me ASAP.

NC Coot
6:25 PM

Do you have a ‘translate’ app on your phone?

NC Coot
6:47 PM

Dear Marie,

I’m not upset, it’s just difficult to plough on with all of this planning when you disappear from the ‘chatter’ for nearly an hour. There’s much to be done between now and 3:30 tomorrow and I don’t want to keep having to make all of these unilateral decisions. Mostly because I think of it as your affair and want it to reflect your own thoughtfulness and due diligence. For starters, you can send an e-mail blast suggesting we all wear light grays. And ask Gino if they have any linens to match when you speak with him tonight.

More soon,

Dear Crazy,

Just forget the whole thing, or perhaps I will forward this entire email exchange to Michael and Rob. Or do you WANT me to? Be careful.


NC Coot
8:18 PM

I think it unkind to call me crazy as I have your best interests at heart and unwise to call me crazy because I have an attorney on retainer, a man who could easily argue the slander as well as the not-so-impled threat in your: “Be careful.”

Michael and Rob have already been in touch with me. Once you relinquished your part of the event-planning, I forwarded the ‘entire’ exchange to them and they are willing to take up the slack, particularly Michael whose very genetics scream ‘organize.’

Apparently, you don’t have to engage any further, except that we are, indeed, inviting you to the online vote at 9PM tonight (Rob’s idea) whose outcome will determine your actual participation in tomorrow’s party.

Salvator Brunetti, Esq.
for NC Coot

NC Coot
8:53 PM

You may want to weigh in quickly. It’s breaking even so far. Just saying….

10:02 PM

NOOOOOO I will see you tomorrow at 3:30. Be grumpy or be stumpy.


NC Coot
10:55 PM

Are you asleep yet because some things are bothering me. Like, but more serious than, should that last sentence end with a period or a question mark? Or even that last one?


8:31 AM



8 Responses to “When the new Equity member tries to get the cast together for a reunion.”

  1. Michael Shattner April 30, 2013 at 11:03 pm #

    You, sir, are a genius.

    • NC Coot May 1, 2013 at 4:30 am #

      Not nearly, more angry…

  2. Dugutigui April 30, 2013 at 11:13 pm #

    That has been great!
    Backing you into a corner was a terrible strategy, in that it leaves you nowhere to run. But was brilliant in that it brings out the fierce in you, because you were forced back. Welcome back!

    • NC Coot May 1, 2013 at 4:31 am #

      Thank you for your intimidating encouragement. It worked. It’s not the first time you’ve motivated me either.

  3. Robert Gomes May 1, 2013 at 3:48 am #

    There is now an official corner in hell reserved for you. Am I on all your feeds, fbs, etc?

    • NC Coot May 1, 2013 at 4:32 am #

      I’ll keep the corner warm.

      I HOPE you are on all my feeds, fbs, etc.

      We should ask the Austrian. He’s cyber-savvy…

  4. Cristin May 1, 2013 at 6:04 am #

    Oh, how you’ve been missed, ya ol’ coot! Also, I think maybe two question marks.

    • NC Coot May 1, 2013 at 7:17 am #

      ¡ɹǝpun uʍop ןןǝʍ sı ןןɐ ǝdoɥ ˙uoıʇɐnʇɔund ǝɥʇ ʇnoqɐ ʇɔǝɹɹoɔ ǝɹɐ noʎ ʞuıɥʇ ı ¡ןןǝʍ sɐ ‘noʎ pǝssıɯ ı

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