These are a few of my favorite things.

28 Jun

E-mail from my favorite kid last week, who knew enough to compare, the little genius…

I just wanted to say thanks so much for everything. Our tour guide in DC sucked. We all kept saying we missed you. I miss you like crazy. We’ll see each other again one day!


The parents from Texas: Les Misérables was totally inappropriate for our kids.

Me: Why? Because it’s about social injustice?


The kids: We LOVED the show.


E-mail from my favorite kid this week:

S: I miss u so much. Our tour guide in DC is not near as good as you. And DC is not near as good as NYC.

Me: Tell me something you learned in DC.

S: John F. Kennedy’s family had bad luck.


My favorite kid tonight:

After S and K, two graduating seniors who are a couple and also share a birthday today kissed at dinner, B turned to me and whispered, “The best thing about our town is when you break up with someone, you still get to see them at the family reunion.”


My least favorite kid today:

Her: You’ve never been four-wheelin’? That’s so weird.

Me: You’ve never been to The Metropolitan Museum of Art? Freak.


My favorite kid today:

At Rock Center, “Is this where Holden Caulfield goes ice skating?”

I gave the most unlikely kid to know his CATCHER that I have ever met, a 16-year old from a shitstorm of a miserable little dusty drought-riddled little stain of a town in the middle of a forgotten slice of Kansas so boring that Dick and Perry bypassed it to get to Holcombe to butcher the Clutters, a solid 20 points for shattering my preconceptions.


Kid: Are you ever glad to see a group lea–

Me: (interrupting) YES.


My favorite exchange today:

Me: Dova! What a beautiful name! I dov-a in da water!

Dova: It’s Jewish for small girl bear.

Me: It’s also Italian for a head-first jump.

Dova: You’re just making fun of me because I’m Jewish.

Me: So clearly you have absolutely no idea what city you’re in.


How to shut an Eighth-grader up.

As is well documented by my relentless moaning among friends, I had a basal cell thing removed near my eyebrow six months ago.

Him: Why do you have a scar on your —

Me (interrupting): CANCER.


My favorite kid today:

Her: Did anyone ever tell you you look like Gerard Butler?

Me: Did anyone ever tell you you are the last unicorn?





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